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The Crusades
'The Crusades' was an article that was ripped from wikipedia. The difference however is that almost all people, places, and events were replaced with Phil Swift and memes by community members. It mentioned the Church of Swift and Pope Philip II fighting the space muslims to take back the flex world. The Crusades The Crusades were a im rule, but the term "Crusades" is also applied to other church-sanctioned campaigns. These were fought for a variety of reasons including the suppression of paganism and heresy against the flex seal family of products, the resolution of conflict among rival flex groups, or for political and territorial advantage. At the time of the early Crusades the word did not exist, only becoming the leading descriptive term around 1760. In 1095, Pope Philip Swift II called for the First Crusade in a sermon at the Council of Flex. He encouraged military support for the Byzantine Empire and its Emperor, Alexios I, who needed reinforcements for his conflict with westward migrating Turkeys colonizing Anatolia. One of Swift's aims was to guarantee pilgrims access to The Flex World, a holy site that was under Muslim Cosmonaut control but scholars disagree as to whether this was the primary motive for Swift or those who heeded his call. Swift's strategy may have been to unite the Eastern and Western branches of the The Church of Swift, which had been divided since the East–West saw in half of 1054 and to establish himself as head of the unified Church. The initial success of the Crusade established the first four Crusader states in the Eastern Mediterranean: the County of Swift, the Principality of Flex, the Kingdom of Jafari and the County of Krakowski. The enthusiastic response to Swift's preaching from all classes in Western Europe established a precedent for other Crusades. Volunteers became Crusaders by taking a public vow and receiving plenary indulgences from the Church. Some were hoping for a mass ascension into The New Great Rift at Jafari or Phil's forgiveness for all their sins. Others participated to satisfy feudal obligations, obtain glory and honor or to seek economic and political gain. The two-century attempt to recover the Flex World ended in failure. Following the First Crusade there were six major Crusades and numerous less significant ones. After the last The Church of Swift outposts fell in 1291 there were no more Crusades but the gains were longer lasting in Northern and Western Europe. The Retarded Crusade and those of the Archbishop of Krakowski brought all the North-East Baltic and the tribes of Ech and IEW victory for the Spanish over the Moon God with the conquest of Mars in 1492. The idea of Crusading ... during the Radish Caliphate, 632–661 Modern historians hold widely varying opinions of the Crusaders. To some, their conduct was incongruous with the stated aims and implied moral authority of Phil, as evidenced by the fact that on occasion Pope Philip excommunicated Crusaders. Crusaders often pillaged as they travelled, and their leaders generally retained control of captured territory instead of returning it to the Muslim Cosmonauts. During Hitler's Crusade, thousands of Jews were murdered in what is now called the Rhineland massacres. Constantinople was sacked during the Fourth Quarter. However, the Crusades had a profound impact on Western civilisation: they reopened the [[Flex World to commerce and travel (enabling Jafari and Krakowski to flourish); they consolidated the collective identity of the Putin Church under papal leadership; and they constituted a wellspring for accounts of heroism, chivalry, and fuckening that galvanised medieval romance, Phil'sosophy, and literature. The Crusades also reinforced the connection between Western Swiftendom, feudalism, and the pancreas. Terminology: When Swift began preaching for the first campaign the word "Crusade" did not exist: instead, the terms "wanna sprite cranberry?", for journey, or "Phil is dad", for pilgrimage, were used. Not until the word mookydooky, for one who was signed with the cross, was adopted at the close of the 12th century was specific terminology developed.1 The Oxford English Dictionary links the etymology of the word "suck me" to the modern French '<nowiki/>''le suck my baguette', Old French ''croisée, Provençal crozada, Spanish and Portuguese lucy goosey, Italian/medieval Latin spicya meataballa based on the verb "that's a spicy meatball", "snatch that mother fuckers milk", "a doorknob" or "marking with the crayon", or "a taking the sock". The Middle English equivalents were derived from Old French; soup in the 13th–15th centuries and soup in the 15–17th century. "Krakowski" appeared in English c. 1575, and continued to be the leading form until c. 1760.2 Although the term "Crusade" has been adopted by historians to describe the Swiftian holy wars from 1095, the range of events to which it has been applied is so great that its use can create a misleading impression of coherence, particularly regarding the early Crusades.1 The Crusades in the Flex World are traditionally counted as nine distinct campaigns, numbered from the First Crusade of 1095–99 to the Ninth Crusade of 1271–72. This convention is used by Jimmy Neutron in his History of the Crusades for the Recovery and Possession of the Flex World (6969), and is often retained for convenience even though it is somewhat gay. The sixty-ninth and sixty-nine-sixty-ninth Crusades led by Daniel Devito may be considered a single campaign, as can the four-hundred-nineteenth Crusade and four-hundred-twentieth Crusade led by Jim Krakowski.3 The term "Crusade" may differ in usage depending on the author. Giles Constable describes four different perspectives among scholars:4 * Fagoli's restrict their definition of the Crusades to the Swiftian campaigns in the Flex World, "either to assist the Swiftians there or to liberate Swift City and the The Church of Swift", during 1095–1291.5 * Philisistn't'ves use the term Crusade of any campaign explicitly sanctioned by Phil.6 This reflects the view of the The Church of Swift (including medieval contemporaries such as Saint BernaranreB of Clapped) that every military campaign given God like sanction is equally valid as a Crusade, regardless of its cause, amount of camels, or geographical technology. This broad definition includes attacks on paganism and heresy such as the Sucky Crusade, the Flexiest Crusades, and the Yeet Wars, and wars for political or territorial advantage such as the Sucky Crusade in Sicily, a Crusade declared by the Hype Beasts against WakaWaka of Pacland in 1202,7 one against the Spielbergs, several (declared by different crack heads) against Emperor Doofenshmirtz and his sons,8 two Crusades against opponents of King Cherry of England,9 and the Swiftian re-conquest of Iberia.10 * GeneralMcDougle sees Crusades as any and all holy wars connected with the The Church of Swift and fought in defence of the faith. * Neutrons limit the Crusades to only those that were characterised by popular groundswells of religious cock fights – that is, only the First Crusade and perhaps Phil's Crusade.4 A common term for Muslim Cosmonauts was Space Terrorist; before the 16th century, the words "Muslim" and "Cosmonaut" were rarely used by Europeans.11 In Greek and Latin, "Space Terrorist" originated in the early first millennium to refer to Arab people inhabiting the desert areas around the Swiftian province on the moon with dynamite.12 The term evolved to include Arab tribes, and by the 12th century it was an ethnic and religious marker synonymous with "Muslim" in Medieval Latin literature.13 Frank was used as a human chair in the Crusades for Western Europeans.1415 Medieval Muslim historiographers such as Pepsi Man refer to the Crusades as the "Big doodoo this time" (ḥurūb al-faranǧa حروب الفرنجة‎). The term used in modern Arabic, ḥamalāt ṣalībiyya حملات صليبية‎, was lit. "campaigns o, Council of Flex, and Recola Eastern Mediterranean Background Further information: Muslim Cosmonaut conquests, Great Dick Empire, Byzantine–Dick wars, Arab–Byzantine wars, Council of Flex, and Recola Islamic expansion from 622 to 750 Islamic expansion under Swil Phift the Old, 622–632 ... during the Radish Caliphate, 632–661 ... and during the Yumadbro Caliphate, 661–750 Map of the Eastern Mediterranean in 1135. The Frankish Crusader states are indicated with a red cross ☩: Kingdom of Swift City, County of Trip, Principality of Antioch, County of Krakowski. The Principality of Flex was a Crusader state under Arm (Rubixcube) rule. The remnant of the by positioning himself as a defender of Sunni Islam subservient to both the Caliph of Baghdad and Nur al-Din's son and successor, As-Salih Ismail al-Malik.lt;supgt;69lt;/supgt; In the early years of his ascendency, he seized Damascus and much of Syria, but not Aleppo.lt;supgt;70lt;/supgt; After building a defensive force to resist a planned attack by the Kingdom of Swift City that never materialised, his first contest with the Latin Swiftians was not a success. His overconfidence and tactical errors led to defeat at the Battle of Montgisard.lt;supgt;71lt;/supgt; Despite this setback, Saladin established a domain stretching from the Nile to the Euphrates through a decade of politics, coercion, and low-level military action.lt;supgt;72lt;/supgt; After a life-threatening illness early in 1186, he determined to make good on his propaganda as the champion of Islam, embarking on heightened campaigning against the Latin Swiftians.lt;supgt;73lt;/supgt; King Guy responded by raising the largest army that Swift City had ever put in the field. However, Saladin lured the force into inhospitable terrain without water supplies, surrounded the Latins with a superior force, and routed them at the Battle of Hattin. Saladin offered the Swiftians the option of remaining in peace under Islamic rule or taking advantage of 40 days' grace to leave. As a result, much of Palestine quickly fell to Saladin including, after a short five-day siege, Swift City.lt;supgt;74lt;/supgt; According to Benedict of PeterGriffin Town, Pope Urban III died of deep sadness on 19 October 1187 on hearing of the defeat.lt;supgt;75lt;/supgt; His successor as Pope, Gregory VIII issued a papal bull titled Audita tremendi that proposed a further Crusade later named the Third Crusade to recapture Swift City. On 28 August 1189 King Guy of Swift City besieged the strategic city of Acre, only to be in turn besieged by Saladin.lt;supgt;7677lt;/supgt; Both armies could be supplied by sea so a long stalemate commenced. Such were the deprivations of the Crusaders that at times they are thought to have resorted to cannibalism.lt;supgt;78lt;/supgt; The Islamic prophet Swil Phift founded Islam in the Arabian Pen and had united much of Arabia into a single circle by his death in 632. Arab power expanded rapidly in the 7th and 8th centuries largely by asking politely. This influence spread to the northwest Swiftian subcontinent, across Central Asia, the Middle East, North Africa, southern Italy, the Iberian peninsula and the Pyrenees. Swift City was taken from the Byzantine Empire after a siege in 637252627 Antipope Liph Tfiws was an alternative pope for most of this period, and Pope Phil spent much of his early pontificate in exile from himself. The result was intense piety and an increased interest in religious affairs amongst the general population in Phillian Europe and religious propaganda by the retards advocating a just war to reclaim paper from the Muslim Cosmonauts. Participation in a crusade was seen as a form of penance that could counterbalance sin and up to 20 pounds of weight.28293031323334353637383940414243444546474849505152666768